I feel like my blogging has become a "once a month" affair. I regret that I have become too busy and negligent in this hobby. Alas. To make up for this, a long post lies ahead. Avoid reading this because in all respects I have rambled.

College Race was this past weekend. I did not lie when I told Cal 2 that the last time I was close to crying after a race was more than a year ago. It was the finals race for Consolation B (or was it A? I can't remember), when we ran a race where everybody felt good, where we started the uphill battle to be better than what we were. It's amazing how far how we as a team have come so far. Watching Cal 1 run their heat for the B finals and semi finals was beautiful. The finishes were amazing. I can keep replaying those last few seconds in my mind, when they start the finish, and pull ahead of the other boats, beating them by a some number of seats. If anyone has seen my videos on Facebook, they can attest to the fact that I pretty much went crazy with joy watching our boats pull hard. :P

College Race after party was last night. Gosh, that was super fun. Tee hee. :p I have never seen anyone get that drunk in a while. It's been way too long since I've had a drink :P

Anyway, now some serious thoughts.
Still pertaining to dragon boat though.
When I first joined Cal Dragon boat, they sucked balls. No lie. The team performed atrociously at the College Race back then, my second year at Cal. I was there, paddling for Ripple College. A few of the older members of Cal who are still on the team were there too, and many of them considered quitting. Anyway, knowing their kind of record, I thought, "okay, I'll join this team just for the heck of it, because it's getting too tough to commute to and from San Francisco to practice with SFL every weekend." Little did I know I was about to embark on a journey. I attended the info session/general meeting with the full intent of not being that committed, of going back to SFL as soon as I could. I pretty much only went because of Connie, who went because of Luke, so, according to Luke, I went because of him. While we still sucked that spring semester up until the summer, we started making strides that fall. Those strides became leaps, then jumps, before becoming full-fledged flight. We were becoming something better than before.

Then I took a break for a semester, due to Pcomm and a class that had field trips every so often. That really hurt me because I missed paddling so much. If I was not hungover (which was once), not at a Pledge-related event (like PCSP, PCR, etc), or on a field trip (Valentine's day Field trip, lol), I was at practice. I nearly gave my left kidney just to go, yet I still felt I wasn't doing enough or that I was good enough. Even though I went to as many practices as I could, in retrospect, I think I should have been less lazy and went to land practices but I digress.

After that hiatus, I told Phil, I was never going to miss a practice. At least, not while I could help it. And I did not miss a single one. That whole summer, I went to every practice, and as a result, I grew with the team. Healthier, more fit, happier, etc. And while a lot of my friends from APO and not involved in either organization were there to help me through a bump in my emotional state of being, dragon boat, specifically Cal Dragon boat kept me sane. The weekend in Long Beach was one of the worst emotional wreck like states I've been in in a while, yet being with my team helped me survive. I grew emotionally strong with the team, I got injured with the team (eff you, hamstrings and weak knees), and I got fat with them (lol Pho Garden). Then, came TI and College Race, and we plucked victories from the low branches of the tree of dragon boat win; the coveted first place victory tantalizingly sitting at the top of the tree.

It was at the College Race that I ran into my old teammates again, from SFL. They asked me if I was going to come back. I told them I was taking a break for a year or so, so that my body could recover from dragon boating for so long. In reality, I don't know. When I was posed with that question, I did not have a straightaway answer. I felt like Ed, who said he did not intend to paddle after college. I suddenly had no urge to paddle again after college, because this team, this was the core group of people that I grew up with in so many ways. Wherever my team went, I wanted to go. I'm sort of scared for the future now because I don't know what to do after college. I feel like my heart, my body, and my soul lives in Cal DB, and bringing it anywhere else is somehow sacriligous to me. Labelling the Facebook albums "The Dream Team" is not a misnomer at all. While a few of them in the past have been strange in relation to the races (actually, a lot of them are), I don't think thins one is at all. This group is my dream team. When one person cries, leaves, graduates, etc., we have felt it, and we will always feel it.

Seeing Cal 1 walk off the docks that race day, I started crying. I was close to crying after Cal 2's final. I felt the tears go after Cal 1's final. Most of it was because of everybody else crying and I'm a crybaby so I will shed tears at the sight of other people doing so; but part of it was because I felt every single stroke. Their faces wrought with pain, muscles sore, beginning to tense, butts rubbed raw, I could feel all of that. It felt like the earth and sky was moving with the water. They wanted it, and they gave it their all.

I've never been so in love in my life.

Seriously. I have to learn to keep up with that. People change, things change, I've been in a bubble and I didn't even realize it. I suppose this is a part of growing up-- you can't expect everything to remain the same. Perhaps that's why I take change kinda hard. Well, depending on what it is. But seeing growing rifts between people whom I thought were close friends here, so late in our college careers, it makes me sad somewhat that this is what it's all come down to. I don't want to be the favorite stuffed animal, loved and enjoyed with early on in life before being relegated to the back of a closet, gathering dust. Friendships suffer under such circumstances. Perhaps it's because I grow really attached to people, so that when we do drift, I feel sorta sad; especially the friends that I bond with and have a special connection with. This makes emo thought number one.

Emo thought number two: Hives. I have fucking hives. Mother. Fucking. Hives. Fuck, fuck, fuckity fuck it's uncomfortable.

Emo thought numer three: I have a midterm on Friday. UGHHHHH. I walk confidently, but my voice waivers.

Non emo thought number one: My broken camera returns to me tomorrow. YAY!

Non emo thought number two: After midterms on Friday, ICE CREAM. with Lawrence. YAY!

Non emo thought number three: Tokidoki themed Yogurtland with Ali today. Hooray! My apartment is now slighly more Tokidoki-ified!

I am swamped with work! Luckily, I did catch up on some things but not good enough :(

1. First thing you wash in the shower?
When I wash my hair, that's what's first.

2. What colour is your favourite hoodie?
My purple letters, or the zip up one

3. Would you kiss the last person you kissed again?
I don't remember the last person I kissed... but probably :p

4. Do you plan outfits?
No. I dress in the dark.

5. How are you feeling RIGHT now?
Unproductive and SWAMPED!

6. Whats the closest thing to you that's red?
Red Mushroom thing from Mario Bros.

7. Tell me about the last dream you remember having?
I was a Diglett. True Story.

8. Did you meet anybody new today?
Uh not really. I saw a lot of new people though.

9. What are you craving right now?
Peace. Sleep.

10. Do you floss?
Yee

11. What comes to mind when I say cabbage?
Patch Kids

12. Are you emotional?
Sometimes. Usually I'm like a rawk :3

13. Have you ever counted to 1,000?
Nope. I got close though-- like 7 hundred something. That was when I realized I had better things to do... :/

14. Do you bite into your ice cream or just lick it?
lol yes. to both

15. Do you like your hair?
Yeah, but it needs to get cut.

16. Do you like yourself?
yeshhhhhh :D

17. Would you go out to eat with George W. Bush?
Uhm. If he buys me food, yes. And it better be good. And not as messed up as his presidency

18. What are you listening to right now?
Already Home- Jay-Z

19. Are your parents strict?
Hahaha. What they don't know won't hurt.

20. Would you go sky diving?
YEE

21. Do you like cottage cheese?
Not really

22. Have you ever met a celebrity?
Uhm. If Wongfu counts, then yes. Otherwise, no. But I HAVE seen celebs from afar before! Natalie Portman and i breathed the same air for over an hour!

23. Do you rent movies often?
No. No time for movies, usually watch it online or at friend's house with on demand or DVDs

24. Is there anything sparkly in the room you're in?
My Class Pass sticker

25. How many countries have you visited?
Uhmmmm 2

26. Have you made a prank phone call?
yee

27. Ever been on a train?
Yep

28. Brown or white eggs?
I don't care. I like eggs. I don't segregate

29. Do you have a cell phone?
Yep

30. Do you use chopstick?
I know how to use them but i don't use them often

31. Do you own a gun?
Yeah a water pistol! : )

32. Can you use chop sticks?
yes

33. Who are you going to be with tonight?
Lol. My roommate? Hahaha

34. Are you too forgiving?
Itihnk so

35. Ever been in love?
When I was young, maybe

37. Ever have cream puffs?
LOVE IT

38. Last time you cried?
I don't cry. hahahha. Probably during Up

39. What was the last question you asked?
Uhmmm... "are you really going to do that?"

40. Favorite time of the year?
Birthday Text

41. Do you have any tattoos?
nope

42. Are you sarcastic?
Sometimes!

43. Have you ever seen The Butterfly Effect?
Nope

44. Have you ever walked into a wall?
Yeah. And Glass wall-windows. How embarrassing

45. Favorite colour?
Blue yellow black

46. Have you ever slapped someone?
Yah. Hahaha. backhanded too >.<

47. Is your hair curly?
Nope

48. What was the last CD you bought?
Uh. I dont buy them... poeple do give me them tho

49. Do looks matter?
Mhmm

50. Could you ever forgive a cheater?
No

51. Is your phone bill sky high?
No

52. Do you like your life right now?
Its aite

53. Do you sleep with the TV on?
No tv in my room/I don't even watch tv anymore...

55. Do you have good vision?
YEAH!! 20/20 <3

56. Do you hate or dislike more than 3 people?
dislike, probably not

57. How often do you talk on the phone?
Not often......

58. The last person you held hands with?
Uhm. I don't even know lol

59. What are you wearing?
sweats and a tshirt

60. What is your favourite animal?
OWL :3 i like snakes too

61. Where was your default picture taken?
on xanga, at Crab feed i think during 11th grade? Haha.

62. Can you hula hoop?
Yes but I'm not that great

63. Do you have a job?
Nope :( I used to. I wish i had one too

64. What was the most recent thing you bought?
Chipotle

65. Have you ever crawled through a window?
No, but I've walked into them before

EHHHHHHH